Living with PMDD: A Personal Account

Emily Blout, a woman from Washington, D.C., lives with premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), a severe mood disorder linked to hormonal changes. Blout began experiencing symptoms at 15. Now 42, she says her mood and personality change significantly for nearly half of every month.

Blout describes these weeks as profoundly challenging. ‘For 12 to 14 days a month, I become another person,’ she shares. ‘I go from being upbeat to feeling sad, angry, and unfocused. Tears come suddenly, I snap at my family, and I lose time staring at my computer without purpose.’

Understanding PMDD Symptoms

The International Association for Premenstrual Disorders (IAPD) reports that PMDD affects about 1 in 20 women. Symptoms appear before menstruation and usually subside once menstruation starts, influenced by changes in estrogen and progesterone levels.

According to the IAPD, symptoms include:

• Emotional and mood symptoms
• Fatigue and low energy
• Behavioral and appetite changes
• Feeling out of control

‘Overwhelmed by Anger’

Blout describes intense emotional upheaval before her period, ‘I experience incredibly intense anger. On a London trip once, I was so angry at my husband that I booked a $2,000 flight home.’ She reflects on realizing the irrationality 24 hours later.

She also struggles with sadness. ‘I have two types: “stupid sadness,” triggered by minor things like a Disney movie, and a deeper sadness that immobilizes me and leaves me in brain fog.’

She recounts an incident where she ran a red light, totaling her car due to a spaced-out state.

Pursuing Effective Treatment

Blout attempted antidepressants and even received an antipsychotic prescription following a bipolar misdiagnosis. Ten months ago, she began hormone therapy with Lupron, which suppresses the production of sex hormones. This treatment has put her into chemical menopause but has alleviated her PMDD symptoms. ‘Now, I comprehend what having a regular life means, with time and clarity back.

Facing Treatment Dilemmas

Blout weighs difficult decisions: surgery to remove some reproductive organs or trying experimental drugs to prevent symptoms from returning. ‘I’ve exhausted all options, including antidepressants, birth control, and talk therapy,’ she says.

She hesitates about surgery due to the risk of memory problems or dementia that may follow ovary removal before menopause. ‘I’m in limbo, waiting for natural menopause,’ she laments.

Blout feels PMDD lacks research and attention for effective treatment or cure. ‘Women with PMDD are experimenting on ourselves,’ she states, emphasizing the need for more research funding.