Four Strategies to Build Resilience in Children

Parents frequently worry about their children’s ability to handle life’s challenges. Developing resilience isn’t a quick process. A 2019 study in Health Affairs found that children thrive with strong support systems and positive family relationships, even amidst difficulties.

Strategies to Foster Resilience

1. Limit Your Child’s Choices

Psychotherapist Katie Rose, based in Manhattan, advises against overwhelming children with too many responsibilities too soon. Too many choices can lead to feeling overwhelmed rather than confident.

“Resilient children develop confidence in their ability to solve problems over time,” she said.

Rose’s Tips:

• For children aged 0-6, reduce unnecessary choices regarding toys, clothes, and activities. This helps build trust and prevent overwhelm.
• For ages 6-12, offer limited options, supporting them in making decisions thoughtfully.
• For teens, adopt a consulting role, guiding them while allowing greater ownership of their choices.
• Gradually increase responsibilities matched with their growing confidence and decision-making abilities.

2. Protect and Revere Childhood

Ensuring children feel safe is crucial for developing resilience. A calm nervous system encourages curiosity, creativity, emotional regulation, and healthy risk-taking.

“Children develop resilience when they feel fundamentally safe,” Rose explained.

Rose’s Tips:

• Shield children from adult worries, continuous news, and complex issues beyond their understanding.
• Maintain honest, clear, age-appropriate communication.
• Listen more, avoid excessive explanations, and remember the acronym WAIT: “Why Am I Talking?”
• Limit overscheduling and extracurricular activities to allow downtime, boredom, and unstructured play.

3. Connect Before You Correct

Children cope better when their emotions are acknowledged rather than dismissed. Recognizing that difficult emotions are manageable, mistakes are repairable, and setbacks contribute to growth is important.

“We want our children to learn that difficult emotions are manageable, mistakes are repairable, and setbacks are part of growth,” Rose said.

Rose’s Tips:

• Create a safe environment where children feel secure to take healthy risks.
• Acknowledge children’s emotions before offering solutions or corrections.
• Ensure children feel understood during tough times.
• Provide guidance or feedback after emotions have settled.

4. Model Healthy Coping

Children learn resilience from observing how adults handle challenges. Observing healthy coping mechanisms, flexible thinking, and self-compassion encourages them to adopt similar skills.

“Children learn far more from what we model than what we tell them,” said Rose.

Rose’s Tips:

• Ask open-ended questions such as, “What do you think we could do next?” to encourage problem-solving rather than offering immediate solutions.
• Praise effort, persistence, and learning instead of concentrating solely on outcomes.
• Demonstrate healthy stress management, including deep breathing and thoughtful problem-solving techniques.
• Show children that acknowledging and repairing mistakes, including apologizing when necessary, is essential.
• Model flexibility and self-compassion in challenging situations.

Contact Newsweek editors regarding this story: Charlotte Nisbet and Emma Lee-Sang.