Choosing to Expand Family with Ex-Partner for Children’s Wellbeing

A woman named Sasha Goreshtein explained her decision to have a second child with her ex-partner, despite their split. She views it as the ‘right choice’ for her family. Goreshtein met the father of her children in her early 30s. She did not foresee her family life developing in this manner. Within six months of getting together, she was pregnant. By the time their son was nearing two, the couple had separated and started living apart.

Despite being apart, their lives remained connected. Approaching her late 30s, Goreshtein started thinking deeply about her family’s future. She shared with Newsweek, “My decision to have a second child was something I thought about deeply and over time.” She had always envisioned having two children and understood the realities of aging. The natural option for her was to have another child with her son’s father who continued to be a committed presence in their child’s life.

While their romantic relationship was uncertain, Goreshtein was clear about their ability to co-parent. “I had a clear understanding that even if the romantic side of our relationship didn’t continue, we were still able to co-parent in a stable and respectful way,” she stated. A foundation of trust was established based on their commitment to their child.

Her decision was not about achieving perfection but about providing consistency for her son. Goreshtein said, “For me, it wasn’t about choosing something perfect, but about choosing what felt most grounded for my son’s future.” A key aspect was giving her son a sibling. She expressed, “I have a sister, and she’s genuinely my closest person in the world.” She could not envision growing up without that bond and hoped the same for her son.

Goreshtein also considered the experiences of an only child friend who felt isolated in unstable family circumstances. Her friend’s feelings of loneliness deeply resonated with Goreshtein, influencing her decision. While acknowledging different family dynamics, she hopes a sibling will offer her son lasting connection and support. She remarked, “Life can be unpredictable, and I thought about what would give my son the most lasting sense of connection and support in different possible scenarios.”

Reflecting on her journey, Goreshtein acknowledged it was challenging. Her second pregnancy was marked by physical and emotional difficulties, often handled alone. “It was difficult,” she admitted. Yet, the experience revealed strength she had not fully realized.

Goreshtein shares her experiences on Instagram (@hostwithsasha), aiming to support others in similar situations. The sight of her children together affirms her decision. She remarks, “When I look at my sons, I feel a deep sense of fulfillment. Knowing they have each other, that they will grow up with that lifelong bond is something that brings me a lot of peace.”

For others considering non-traditional paths, her advice is to focus on what works best for their situations. Goreshtein emphasizes that the most important aspect is making choices grounded in love, stability, and the long-term wellbeing of children, being prepared to adapt as life unfolds.