Living Through and Beyond Medical Trauma

For many years, I endured unexplained symptoms like back pain, gastrointestinal issues, and extreme fatigue. Doctors offered various diagnoses. Some blamed hormones or inflammation, prescribing steroids. Others suggested anxiety, offering Xanax. This repeated message implied my issues were less about the symptoms and more about my reactions.

My health struggles began at 14 with sudden, severe back pain that had no clear cause. It faded over time. At 25, while traveling, I fell seriously ill with mysterious symptoms, leaving me exhausted and weak. Hospital photos show a stark contrast to my previously vibrant self.

Over a decade, I pursued answers to my symptoms like extreme fatigue, weight gain, skin rashes, joint pain, and cognitive fog. I became heavily involved in managing appointments, tests, medications, and insurance, eventually seeking supplements, meditation, and lifestyle changes. Though some methods helped, they weren’t enough. My resolve was tested, seeing specialist after specialist. Some regarded my case as outside their expertise, while others seemed dismissive, suggesting psychosomatic causes or anxiety medications.

I was unaware, but Harvard Medical School describes this treatment as medical gaslighting. A Mira survey found 72% of millennial women felt ignored by doctors, while another from SHE Media showed 71% were told they imagined their symptoms. Despite knowing my symptoms were real, repeated doubt from experts took a toll.

By the time I saw my 36th doctor, I was drained and skeptical. Yet, this visit was different. Extensive testing and meaningful questions led to a diagnosis: late-stage neurological Lyme disease. Proper treatment with herbs and medications improved my health, providing much-needed validation.

As my symptoms eased, I projected an image of recovery. Internally, I wrestled with fear, anxiety, and hidden panic. I also grieved for lost time and waning self-trust from previous dismissals. At some point, I realized I had lost myself. Despite pride in perseverance, the experience left deep scars.

My husband identified my state: trauma. This revelation explained my continued survival mode. Health isn’t binary for millions with chronic illness. Many medically improve but remain emotionally affected. I termed my experience ‘Medical Trauma Brain.’ It represents an overlooked challenge post-illness.

Discussing this openly revealed shared experiences. Many echoed feeling alone in this struggle. We seldom address the psychological aftermath of chronic illness, nor paths to healing. Recovering involves nurturing a sense of safety in one’s body, regulating the nervous system, and living in the present, not the past.

Years of talk therapy hadn’t tackled my issues. Identifying my needs, I sought specialized therapists for trauma recovery. A mix of cognitive behavior therapy, EMDR, and somatic experiencing addressed root problems, rebalancing my nervous system. I’m proof that healing is achievable. Today, I’m healthier and happier, aiding others in finding freedom between sickness and wellness. It’s possible for you too.

Amy Kurtz is a patient advocate and Lyme disease survivor. Her new book, But You Look Fine, releases on June 9.

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