Expectant Mom Reflects on Keeping Baby’s Sex a Mystery

When an expectant mother reached out to her doctor for the results of a prenatal screening, she began with a specific request: Don’t reveal the sex of the baby. Many parents choose to keep their baby’s sex unknown for various reasons.

According to research conducted by Ohio State University, first-time expectant mothers who opt to keep the baby’s sex a surprise often score higher in terms of ‘openness to experience’ and tend to hold more egalitarian views regarding gender roles. These researchers indicate that some parents deliberately choose not to know their baby’s sex to avoid gender stereotypes influencing expectations, gifts, and decisions before the child’s birth.

Looking back, Al Sheahan from Perth, Australia, recounts her second pregnancy, where a simple phone call changed her plans. ‘We didn’t find out the sex of our first child and didn’t intend to for our second either,’ she shared with Newsweek. The call was meant to discuss Non-Invasive Prenatal Testing (NIPT) results.

Sheahan informed her doctor at the call’s onset, ‘I don’t want to know the sex. I think it might be on there [the results], so please don’t tell me.’ However, it appeared that the doctor’s response did not align with her request.

Sheahan recalls the doctor instantly revealing, ‘Your baby is a girl,’ prompting her disbelief. Despite her attempt to ignore the information, the disclosure had already occurred.

Sheahan expressed disappointment as she cherished the surprise of discovering her first child’s sex at birth and intended to replicate that experience. The couple successfully maintained the mystery with their first child, but during this pregnancy, they encountered a slip.

Despite the mishap, Sheahan harbors no bitterness towards the doctor, and finds humor in the situation. ‘It’s difficult to be upset when learning about a healthy, growing baby. The shock was disappointing momentarily,’ she shared.

Her daughter, Nora Snowy Sheahan, named after her great grandfather, arrived months later and is approaching her first birthday. Reflecting on both experiences of knowing and not knowing the baby’s sex before birth, Sheahan offers a unique perspective.

‘As long as you don’t have a gender preference, discovering who your baby is at birth remains a genuinely special moment,’ she stated. ‘Choosing a name became easier without planning for both sexes, but otherwise, I’d opt to keep it a surprise.’

For those considering her approach, Sheahan provides a simple tip: ‘Remind every provider you speak to at the start of every conversation because it’s easy for people to slip up. I wouldn’t change anything. Everything happens for a reason, and she was destined to be our girl, regardless of when we found out.’

For inquiries regarding this story, contact Newsweek editors Rebecca Flood and Emma Lee-Sang.