A Journey Through Loss and Hope: One Woman’s IVF Experience

The anxiety was palpable as I prepared for the ultrasound. Given my history, it was understandable. My life in Valparaiso, Indiana, alongside my supportive husband, Ryan, prepared me for many things, but nothing could have prepared us for the challenges we faced with parenthood.

In 2022, our daughter Nellie was born. It was supposed to be the most joyful moment of our lives. She was declared healthy, and we brought her home shortly after. But tragedy struck; I placed her down for a nap, only to discover she had passed away a few hours later. My world crumbled that day.

Despite this devastation, we moved forward. In 2024, we ventured into IVF, undergoing two egg retrievals that resulted in no viable eggs. After these failures, I took a much-needed break. Unexpectedly, in February 2025, I conceived naturally. Unfortunately, it ended as a chemical pregnancy. This loss hurt, but it was not as catastrophic as before, having already lost Nellie.

We decided to pursue IVF again at a different clinic. This time, the experience was positive, and I became pregnant again. However, soon after, my doubts surfaced. At nine weeks, an ultrasound revealed little more than a faint flicker of a heartbeat.

“Is everything okay?”

The words from my mother-in-law, Liesl, echoed in my mind as I confided my fears. We had named our unborn daughter Poppy, holding onto hope even as doubt crept in. I filmed our appointment hoping for good news. Sadly, our worst fears were confirmed—no heartbeat was detected, and Poppy was not growing as expected.

In shock, I turned to Ryan for comfort, overwhelmed by the news. It was vital for me to share my journey openly. I shared this moment on TikTok, hoping to connect with others facing infertility and pregnancy loss, making them feel less isolated.

The response was mixed, some criticized my response to the technician’s attempt to console me, yet I felt exposed and uncomfortable with her touch. Sharing both the highs and lows, from failed IVF to loss, is crucial. These moments are integral to the journey of fertility.

Though heart-wrenching, hope remains. I continue to yearn for a healthy baby and a family. After my dilation and curettage procedure, I am recuperating. Ongoing support from Ryan, my family, particularly my father Jeff Shaw, sustains me. Our doctor has outlined the next steps and soon, we will attempt another embryo transfer. My hope for the future endures.